Hiking the AT has been a dream of mine for a few years now (although I can’t remember what exactly planted the seed in my mind). Originally, it was an adventure I had imagined would be taken with a partner; I now know it is a personal journey.
In the past year I have:
- graduated from university
- left my apartment, my job , my friends and my life
- moved from Ottawa back home to Oakville to live with my parents for a short period
- then moved provinces for the first time to New Brunswick, in a town that speaks 90% French (and no, I am NOT bilingual)
- left a 5 year relationship
- only to move BACK to Oakville, broke, and relying on my parents support while I bunk out in my childhood room
Needless to say…it has been a lot to bear. Though dot jots are easily laid out, the circumstances of each move, each decision, and each stage were heavy and complicated. Each took their toll on my health, wellbeing, and relationships. Most of those who know me are aware that I have struggled with depression and anxiety for over a decade, and continue to feel the weight of those emotions deeply. The consequences of a series of drastic life changes in such a condensed period left me vulnerable and lost. What I needed was a goal, a reason to keep working and moving forward. I need motivation, inspiration.
I NEED the trail.
About 5 years ago I was fortunate enough to spend the summer working in Lake Louise, Alberta. It was the first time I travelled alone, the first time I had really flexed my independence and done something that in my family, and in my world, was considered as ‘out there’. It was then that I took my first real hike, and climbed my first mountain. The experience was life changing (pardon the cliché) and altered my perception of people, of work, and of our world. In some unexplainable way, it changed me. It opened me up to who I was, who I am, and who I am continually growing to be.
That summer was all too short, and when I returned to Ottawa to continue battling my mental health and completing my degree the new world I discovered began to shrink back in around me and life as I knew it went back to ‘normal’. Although I continued to enjoy hiking and challenging myself through small ambitions and personal growth, the magical feeling that I could do anything slowly faded over the next 5 years. Today, I have no commitment to housing, to school, or to a career. I do not have a partner, or children that will be left behind. Now is the time. Now is my opportunity to be free, and I know I will regret not jumping at the time I have.
I want to hike the Appalachian Trail:
- to rekindle my spirit, the spark that makes me ME and keeps me going
- to push my physical and mental limits, to learn to endure and overcome
- to meet like-minded people and connect with a world I have glimpsed but never felt part of
- to connect on a deeper, spiritual level with our natural world and with myself
- to get away from the stress and demands of the city, technology, and egocentrism
- to develop a greater appreciation for the fore mentioned modern world
- and finally, because I believe that I CAN.
Trials by Trail 